Is this just a rough patch? Or is this relationship destined for its natural conclusion? It’s hard to know when to call it quits or when to stick it out. It’s even harder to walk away and truly feel confident in your decision. Unfortunately, there’s no quick and simple Buzzfeed quiz that will make this process any easier. There are, however, some general principles that can help you frame your thoughts, so you can better consider what’s right for you.
You can name your problems, and you have spoken about them at length
All relationships have conflict. Some conflict can be helped, but two thirds of relationship problems are unresolvable.
Can you find the words for your problems? To resolve conflict, we must understand why we feel upset or angry at our partners, before we can communicate our needs with them. If you can’t name your problems, it may be that you or your partner haven’t had the chance to communicate to work on your issues together.
Are you willing to live with compromise?
When you’re aware of the inevitable conflicts in your relationship, the natural next question to understand is; are these the kinds of conflicts you want in your life? Is it a value, a part of your identity, a lifestyle choice, that you are willing to work on or change to be with this person? Compromise doesn’t mean one person sacrificing for the sake of the other, it means two people working together to make changes, for the sake of the relationship. Ultimately what you’re trying to determine here is, what matters to you?
It’s important to check in regularly with yourself here. A compromise you may have previously been willing to work with (e.g. your wildly different spending habits) may at any point become something you are no longer willing to live with. You are allowed to change your mind.
One or both partners are indifferent
If you or your partner are indifferent about wanting to work together to better your relationship, it may be a sign that it’s time to reconsider. If staying together is not a hell yes, but an ‘I guess’ - life is too short.
If you’ve decided to end things
Ending a relationship is, on paper, as simple as telling your partner that you want to end things. In reality, it is an experience loaded with emotional turmoil - guilt, anxiety, sadness - you name it. All breakups suck, but there is some consolation in that very fact.